Not your standard issue late twenty-something's blog.

Friday, June 11, 2004

The OrthoJew speaks

So, I'm having a bad day. Although I've successfully managed to avoid the ex, there's been some tension. Some potential miscommunication in other areas of my life. My boyfriend comes home in three days but I need lovin' badly and the titties are huge cuz Captain Bloodsnatch is visiting.

My friend Barry, my sole Orthodox Jewish friend, calls. We talk about this, that and the other and then we get into marriage. Being in his thirties and living with his grandmother, Barry is nowhere near getting married. Apparently this is almost frowned upon in his community as though somewhere the elderly are speaking in hushed whispers: "why isn't he married already?". This phenomenon was fascinating to me. In my Christian world, women definitely feel a certain amount of pressure to get married and pump out some babies but it's not so much a Christian thing. There are tons of Christians. We're not going to die out any time soon. But that wasn't even where Barry was coming from: "I love the idea of marriage. I love the thought of sharing my life with someone. I was ready to get married ten years ago." When do you ever hear a man say that?

I, too, want to get married, Barry. I've wrestled with the concept more times than I can count and what I keep coming back to is that I want to wake up to someone every morning. I want to come home to someone every night. I want that companionship and that friendship. I do want that. And I do want it under the auspices of marriage. One of the reasons I broke up with my ex is because he doesn't believe in marriage. And when I was struggling with a boyfriend just after college, my brother said to me "Is this guy the one? Cuz if he's not, get out. Don't waste your time."

I don't know what the one is. I know I've thought I've had the one and I've been wrong. A friend once told me that you don't necessarily marry the love of your life. You just marry the person you love when you're ready to get married. At the time, that made me really sad. And then I look at so many of my friends who got married all around the same time and I look at the proposals some of my guy friends got forced into making . . . I know I'm not ready now. I have so many goals that I need to fulfill before I can fully share my life with someone. But I do want that.


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