Leggo of my Preggo

My tits hurt and I can't get into my fatpants. Any of my fatpants. Which means they're no longer fatpants. They're my skinny pants. And my skinny pants are now my sister's pants. And I need to buy new fatpants. So I'm either getting my period or I'm pregnant. As I had exactly a buck seventy-six (that's $1.76) in my checking account until yesterday and because I'm not remotely close to being an adult except for that whole aging process, let's all say a prayer to Saint Bloodsnatch, yes? Yes. Splendid.

I continue to find unique and all-encompassing ways to torture myself. For example, the Fat One made it to the NYC Underground Comedy Festival. I only know this because I looked at the Underground website. What amused me most is that they have, on the website, an ANCIENT headshot of him before he gained 60 pounds and lost all of his hair, suggesting that he might just be remotely attractive. I hope those who see him perform say "what the fuck? who is this fat unfunny fatty?"

I also enjoy looking at all the various websites that announce events where I could potentially showcase my work, betterknown as my bitterness, in front of an audience but that I'm too much of a pussy to commit to. Perhaps this is something I can discuss with my friends this weekend.

In other news, my left contact lens is all blurred over so I have to spend my entire day with one eye closed, looking like a fucking piratard.