Not your standard issue late twenty-something's blog.

Thursday, August 19, 2004

Will date robots

It would seem my boyfriend and I are having some trouble. He believes I am jealous of his bodypillow. It sounds nutty and it is. I can't help but think: if you think I'm that insane, why are you dating me? I thought we had something really lovely going: we have a lot of fun, we traveled a couple times together, we've gone to our respective friends' weddings, we have great sex . . . and then something happened and I still don't know what. We're not due to see each other for a couple days and I'm waffling: I love him, I want to be with him, he's a good guy. The other part of me wants to run for the hills: how did we get to this point? What's really going on here? Did I miss something?
I want to tell him: please, let's work this out. It's so rare to find someone you can actually love, someone you want to give your time to, someone you like going to bed with cuz you're already looking forward to waking up next to them the following day. I don't know what to do with taboo subjects and game playing and swallowing things rather than saying them. It smacks of my relationship with my dad as well as failed romantic relationships in my past. Yet here I am dating one of the most thoughtful, loving men I've ever known and it feels like one of us is going to bail. I don't know that my heart can take it again.
Next time, I'm dating a robot. They got them rhoombas that are remote controlled and vacuum in hard-to-reach places. Surely one of them could get me a beer and give me a footrub.


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