File under notes to self:

God struck me with crazy cramps last night and I spent much of the night tossing and turning and sweating and sighing. I looked at the ceiling, shook one mighty fist and yelled:

"I didn't even HAVE that much sex this month!"

as it's always been my belief that cramps are God's way of punishing a woman for a) having sex and b) REALLY enjoying it.

At a friend's suggestion, I read my friend's recent ex-girlfriend's blog. I wonder if she ever read mine. I suppose it doesn't matter. Regardless, it wasn't a great idea and it really wasn't any of my business but isn't that what the internet is for? It's the ultimate in masochism!

I received yet another email in my Atlantic alumni mailbox asking me to go to a show that features talentless fat fuck Fat Daly. It was recently decided that if we were to enlarge Gabe's asshole, we might get Fat Daly. This brought me great joy. Hey Gabe, you gonna put links up again? What the eff, man?

One of my contact lenses has completely clouded over and it's making me surly.