Some of them little people are pretty.

Kevin Kerr, a large African-American man who used to "work" in my office and punctuated everything he said with a bounce of his big belly ("Whew! I'm beat! I'll finish this tomorrow!"), once confessed to a weakness for midgets, er, little people. (sorry, midges everywhere!) I fear I may have to do the same.

I met a little person named Nick last night and he is, to put it bluntly, kinda hot. He's a comic and an actor and is currently in a national Verizon (well, some phone commercial where he plays the new elf in Santa's workshop) commercial. His standup is funny, his face is chiseled and attractive, his eyes are dreamy and he doesn't quite come up to my boobs. I could potentially grab him by the hair and force his face onto my snatchbox with minimal effort. The possibilities are endless. Well, that's not true. It's not like he could bend me over anything. His feet don't touch the floor when he sits in a chair. He drives, though. He has pedal extensions. I saw him without a shirt on. He has a kickin' torso.

Nick is also one of the reasons my last relationship ended. I saw his standup last summer and then insulted my ex, who had a midget joke he thought was one of his best. "I saw this midget last night who was soooooo funny. I mean, so many hack comics have midget jokes and this guy was hilarious! He made normal comics look so bad!" Mind you, this statement is offensive on multiple levels. Between that and the Asian incident in the elevator last week, I might as well not breathe in public places for fear I may voice yet another un-PC utterance.