Doing my (middle) part as an American citizen

In a passionate revolt against our recent election results, I have taken it upon myself to begin dating a native of Ohio. In a passionate revolt against my last boyfriend . . . okay, so it wasn't intentional, the Ohioan also happens to be a standup comic. And an actor. And a painter. In a passionate . . oh fuck it, he's 23, okay? And I'm 28. I'm just hoping I don't look like his aunt or godparent or similar. Although it would seem I'm going through a blue-eyed, brown-haired thing.

Apparently, people have a lot of threesomes in Ohio (Ohioans, please feel free to weigh in on this). The Ohioan has had four, two of each variety, and some were repeat offenders! Me? None. He says threesome sex is very easy to come by and more people have had it than not. I found this shocking. With the exception of the time Tim and I were picked up by less-than-attractive swingers, half of the couple being reluctant, I've gotten nowhere near a threesome. And if I'm going to have one, it better be soon. Otherwise I'm gonna be in Shady Pines forty years from now eyeing Bernice's wrinkled one; however, the Ohioan says he really likes me and thus won't share. And frankly, I'm a little selfish. He says threesomes are kinda awkward and sloppy. Sometimes you're left out, for example, and looking for a way back in. My argument was: "yeah, but you've got four boobs in the air!"

Some standup comic who I haven't dated said he refused to be in a threesome because then he'd be disappointing two women.

There are also apparently a lot of midget orgies, according to the Ohioan's midget roommate.