Good news will work its way to all them plans

Have been full of the wrath and loathing for the past couple days. The quiet Asian in the cube next to mine continues to refuse to speak and I continue to be annoyed. She took the last rather gargantuan slice of artichoke and chicken pizza at the meeting today and gnawed on it tentatively as my mouth watered, watching her not finish it. I looked to the co-worker just to my right, tempted to ask him for his crusts.

Another co-worker continues to assault me with admin work, even though I was promoted over five months ago. She's one of those whiners who says "Can you do me a favor?" and it's not cute. Cuz there are people who ask for a favor and it's like they need a pen. They want you to hold their beer while they light cigarettes and usually one of them is for you. Those people are fine by me. This is a woman who asks for a favor and she's asking you to do something that's not your job while she runs off to her office and cackles loudly into her phone. Somehow she's not doing any work but you're doing hers. Ho-basket. Dirty dirty ho-basket.

So I've been working out. You'd think that might stave off or work off, rather, some of the bitter resentment but no. And I weighed myself on a different scale this morning and I weighed FIVE POUNDS more than I do on my scale at home. So I'm even fatter than I thought! Christ on a bike!

I have an audition for ElimiDate tonight. I have to tell some chick named Monique why I'm single and what are my turn-ons and turn-offs. I should say people named Monique really make me wet in my bathing suit places.