Kids say the most fucked up things ..

Note to self: little people have big ears. And mouths.

My sister got married on Saturday. It was a family reunion of shocking proportions. My cousin's 7-year-old daughter heard me refer to my Aunt Patricia as mean, evil, etc. Unbeknownst to me, upon meeting my Aunt Patricia for the first time at the Williams Wedding Breakfast, my cousin's daughter said:

"Cousin Katherine says you're the mean and evil one."

My cousin and her husband looked at me at the other end of the table. Smiling kindly, wildly even, they mouthed the words:

"We're going to hurt you."

In other news, the strapless bra was great.

There were two, yes, two single men at the wedding. One was gay with bad teeth and high-fived the aforementioned evil Aunt multiple times. The other had an 18-year-old daughter and had a date with a butterface.

My various relatives' answer to why I didn't have a boyfriend? (a matter of great import to them). I needed a tan. Guys don't like pale girls.

Jesus Christ.