blowjobs.

So in my recent column on www.fatlaughs.com, I neglected to mention Howard Stern as yet another Jew who I would lovingly fellate. I'm currently listening to him live as he makes his way to Hard Rock for a party. At least, I think that's what he's doing.

So, I'm wondering . .. do the deep wrinkles older women get around the mouth really come from smoking . . . or from giving head? Cuz, I'm not gonna lie to you, I've given a lot of head in my day. I mean, a LOT of head. Although, given a choice, I'd prolly rather smoke a cig than give a bj. But, doing one makes me sexy and the doing the other gives me lung cancer. Hm. I foresee a lot of cocksucking in my future.

I continue to gain weight and must wear skirt over pants with every single pair of pants I own now. I may have to resort to tunic-length sweaters. And I keep getting home from work just in time to avoid shitting my pants. And with the winter weather bundling, this is no small feat. There's food everywhere, as far as the eye can see. Cheesecake, fudge, cookies, brownies. My dad's poodle sent me a tin of Godiva chocolates. Christ.