Wisdom from the silver fox

a wise man wrote this:

we've all had breakups, and i imagine whatever disruptive secondguessing they produce in regular people gets exponentially tweaked when marriage and fiances are involved. in the end it's all the same thing, which is good to remember . . .

no, i haven't had a breakup lately but i think "disruptive secondguessing" is a fantastic phrase. everyone has some sort of past experience that makes them a touch more sensitive in certain areas. for me, it's being taken for granted, my time, energy and heart not being valued. i'm sure there are others. i'd also like to point out that i may not fall under under the umbrella of "regular people" as i take each breakup incredibly seriously/personally. a failed relationship is due to some failing or inadequacy of my own, rather than "maybe you guys weren't compatible" or "maybe you were rebounding" or "maybe he was an immature idiot who crapped his pants in public" or whatever. you get the idea.

i think it's good to be wary of the way you were mistreated in the past or to be aware of the mistakes you made in the past to ensure that it doesn't happen again but one must never put that on the new love in your life. it does a great disservice both to you and to them and to yourselves. one guy once said to me "i really feel like you're not arguing with me."

and he was right.