No matter who calls/I gotta screen my phone calls

One of my favorite things to do upon breaking up with a boy or unfriending someone is to change the name of their entry in my cell phone. Some folks just put in the generic "DO NOT ANSWER" but I like specificity, quite frankly and were I to employ this vague option at this stage in my life, I'd be stuck with "DO NOT ANSWER #1-46."

It's lots of fun. Let's scroll down my address book, shall we? Yes? Yes. Splendid.

#071: Ball less (the most recent douchebag, total pansy. did all communications, even of a serious nature, over IM and email. wanted me to get a text-msg-receiving phone.)

#013 Bitch BF (the boyfriend of a total bitch who unfriended me last summer for no apparent reason. and hung me out to dry professionally).

#044 Chef Hottie (this isn't esp insulting as he was hot, but vapid. smelled like gourmet food).

#043 Chubby (close friend of Crazy Bitch, Bitch BF, and Hot Food, below)

#003 Crazy Bitch (the aforementioned bitch)

#061 Flake (in previous posts, referred to as the Italian Adam Sandler. called Flake for obvious reasons)

#058 Frat Boy (an actor I dated who needed to be surrounded by minions at all times. Went home with a hot blonde right in front of me. was also divorced at age 30 after one year of marriage, incidentally. fancied himself a professional bodybuilder. it was painful to hold him.)

#001 Hot Food (also known as Fat Daly. is infamous for his joke about blowjobs and eating hot food at Applebee's.)

#054 Raccoon (again, not particularly offensive. Just a bartender that works at the Raccoon Lodge. A little flaky. When I returned his phonecall, he said he couldn't talk because he was "eating nachos.")

I smell fantastic today.