Not your standard issue late twenty-something's blog.

Friday, April 29, 2005

The cold is in my bones/Said it's gone beyond the line this time

I want to say something smart. Something beautiful about the power of love and the transience of life and the best I can come up with is "don't need money. don't need fame. don't need no credit card to ride this train."

ah, Huey.

I want to believe that curling up next to someone is always comforting. That it doesn't have to lead to talking to two of your best friends while sitting in your bathroom, listening to aforementioned someone snore through your walls, your traitorous toy poodle choosing the wrong side.

I want to believe that I won't always take things so fucking literally. That someday I'll learn to relax into a relationship.

I want to believe that someday I'll meet Someone and I'll know that while not perfect, Someone will be right for me.

I sit here at work. Pick at my lips till they bleed. Field phonecalls from people I could care less about. I know I have to take a piss and that I should sit up straight and that I shouldn't have stolen canned soda (not even Diet) from the going-away pizza party.

I know after work, I must walk poodle, pack bag, take cab to Dad. How I wish I could talk to him about this. Maybe hearing my sad story would make him feel better. Knowing my dad, he might advise me to give guy the perma-boot or he might tell me, as he often does, that I'm over-dramatic, take things too seriously. And he wouldn't be the first.

My dad doesn't have a bloodclot in his lung. Or cancer. Just pneumonia that's switched sides that hopefully will be treatable within three weeks. I know I'm relieved. I know I'm happy. But hearing that news made me want to go screaming from the hilltops: "fuck you all!"

6 Comments:

Blogger mwt said...

There are human beings on the face of this earth who do not know what love means, or companionship, who do not have parents, who do not have sisters or brothers, who understand an isolation that is bleak and cold, even if it is of their own making.

Each of you who have the opportunity to share with another then know that is grace, and be thankful for that which you experience, and do not underestimate what you have.

There are personalities who have traveled through the centuries, literally, without such an understanding. And if this was their reality, and if it was their making, still be glad that it is not yours, and accept those relationships that you now have, and realize their potential and do not close yourselves off through stupid pride and through barriers of your own making.

You can know each other in each life a brief time. What joy and comfort you can give, then give. What support you can render, render. Do you realize that by doing this you become more than you think you are?

2:07 PM

 
Blogger John said...

Ron prognosis: excellent.

people who have traveled through the centuries: not unless they have 1.21 gigawatts. and a huey lewis song. but i will grant that they do not need roads. where they're going they don't need. roads.

KD: saw Sin City finally. Wamba Jambatastic. Alba's plenty nice, but I'm going to have to give to Rosario.

2:17 AM

 
Blogger Hackett said...

Wonderful Ron news, please tell him the Hackett wishes him well. How is life with Mr. Brown? Do people become suspicous when they call you and a crisp, intelligent-sounding british accent greets them?

11:17 AM

 
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