"The safe word is banana."

Wow, Family Guy is funny. I made Family Guy my myspace friend.

So, it has come to my attention that one of the stars of my first-ever produced play in NYC is a convict. Well, will be most likely. In a drunk driving hit and run, my 23-year-old acting school buddy killed a 25-year-old NYU grad student. He's being charged with vehicular manslaughter. It's very sad. He's very talented.

I recently took six, yes six, pairs of pants/jeans that I could wear this time last year and can no longer wear due to what I call "beer thighs" and hurriedly folded them and put them in a duffle bag with a sign "try me on . . on march 1. no cheating!" It is my hope that in the course of the coming weeks, I will be on my way to being able to zip them up. Then, in April, may be I can actually wear them without hurting myself or offending the eyes of others.

I've taken to wondering about the iPod. Has its ubiquitousness upset street-side hooligans, previously known for their "sssssssssssssssss"s and "hey baby"s and "smile, sweetheart"s and "ooh, i'd like to get with that"s? How much of the impetus for sidewalk threats found its base in a woman's actual response and how much of it was just instinct . . . rather than, "hey, hissing at women sure does seem to work. surely, if i continue to grunt at a woman she will most assuredly let me bend her over that bench and fill her with my massive manrod."

In other words, will the catcalling finally cease or have we just stopped hearing it?

If a tree falls in the woods . .